I finally got the courage to ask for help from someone in a position to make a difference. While she was polite and offered some resources, they weren’t relevant to my situation. She said supportive things but also made comments that left me in tears afterward. Worst of all, she wouldn’t actually do the one thing I asked of her – she only validated how difficult things must be for me, which honestly made everything feel worse. How am I supposed to be vulnerable and ask for help when I need it if this is what happens?

Ouch. Sending you big hugs, my friend. I have been there.

It’s so hard to be vulnerable and reach out for help, and just hurts so much when you do this but you don’t get what you need. 

Sometimes when I’m in this position, I try to see it as a reminder to truly daven to Hashem and remember that the real help comes from Him, and people are just messengers. 

But sometimes I feel I’ve exhausted all avenues of hishtadlut (effort) and still feel unsupported and in need… at times like these there’s nothing left for me to do than to accept it seems Hashem does not want me to get help in this way, from this person, at this time. 

He obviously thinks I can survive without it, and wants me to see that too (even if I don’t like it!). 

What also helps is taking things day by day, or hour by hour. Leaning into the present moment. Realizing that my levels of pain and discomfort ebb and fall, and watching myself get through things and survive for longer without the specific thing I thought I needed. 

Becoming open to Hashem answering my prayers in different ways, giving me what I needed even if it’s not through the particular person I had in mind. For me this is a hard thing to do but it really is at the center of this work called letting go and learning to trust Hashem above everyone and everything. 

I hope these words helped you in some small way. If anything, just please know that you’re not alone.