You may have noticed that on my homepage there’s a space for you to send a message in to me, but no actual comments section on the page.

I know I’m going against the grain here – like, either have a comments section or don’t – but what’s all this in-between stuff about?

The thing is, what I’ve come to realize in arranging my website, and indeed my coaching practice (AND INDEED MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!) – is that you can’t really go wrong when you’re working in alignment with who you are and what suits you best.*

(Alright, maybe there’s a life-or-death scenario that I’m not going to spend time imagining where you’re basically forced to act out of alignment for the greater good or something – but even then, I guess your highest alignment would be for the greater good to happen, so…)

(And I just want to add, the above paragraph and this one are basically only here because I made the categorical statement “you can’t really go wrong…” which was uncharacteristic of me and pretty much out of alignment for me, haha… and I got scared and felt compelled to justify and explain myself…)

Intimate Conversations

So here’s something about me: I love connecting with people, but favor one-on-one or small group conversations over speaking to someone in a crowd. And this extends to the online world as well.

Even when I’m writing a post which goes out to the public, I’m just writing for one person – not a specific person, but the idea of one – and that’s you, dear reader (thanks for reading!).

I’m not really envisioning myself shuffling my papers and addressing a large crowd from a podium in a virtual online auditorium or anything.

And if I were in the audience of that auditorium, and the speaker asked if anyone had any comments or questions, I would feel uncomfortable walking to the front and lining up for my turn in front of the microphone.

Sure, I’ve done that before in real life when I really wanted to ask a question. But my voice has been shaky and my words haven’t come out exactly how I wanted, standing, as I’ve been, under the glaring light of everyone watching me.

And the answers I’ve gotten have not been as satisfying as I’d wished for, given, as they were, by a speaker talking to a crowd and not just to me.

Where I am right now, I am genuinely open to hearing from anyone who takes the time to write in response to something I’ve written. I’m just not looking for a back-and-forth that is more like a performance than a real communication – something I see a lot on social media.

Ditching the Dopamine Hits

Another thing: if you haven’t noticed by now, I tend to be quite reflective and analytical in my thinking (certified INFJ here). SUPER happy to have these traits, happy to be me and we should totally talk about it another time, but…

…it can get really tricky when it comes to posting online and feeling like you’ve shared so much of yourself with the world: I mean I want to and it’s amazing to have a way to express myself – but did anyone read it? Does anyone like it?

…And then spending time talking to myself, going over the fact that it doesn’t matter what people think of me, all the while checking back again and again to see how many likes I’m getting on a social media post…

…Because it makes me feel good, if only for a few seconds…

Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I just told you about that inner struggle of mine… Did you like it? Does it make me more relatable? Or did I totally overshare?

You see how it’s a bit of an endless loop?

I can’t avoid this part of my personality completely, but nor do I need to set myself up against it all the time.

In Conclusion

So yes, I just find one-on-one conversations with readers much more engaging and enjoyable than a public discourse.

And having less public places online that I’m checking for positive feedback is definitely in the best interests of my mental health and emotional well-being, if I’m being perfectly honest.

Don’t be like me; be like you

Yesterday, I was listening to an interview from a business coach that I really vibe with – her name is Dani Gardner and she has a beautiful approach called Quiet Marketing that speaks to me on a very deep level.

One of her main messages is about conducting your business in alignment with who you are – which I’m totally on board with, of course.

The funny thing was, in this interview, she was saying how she came to realize that she really dislikes getting private messages from followers on social media and would much rather they wrote in the comments section of her posts.

She also discovered that she doesn’t appreciate her clients reaching out to her in between sessions and it can feel like they are trying to take advantage of her.

To that end, she decided to remove the option for DMs on social media and establishes very clear boundaries around communication outside of coaching sessions with her clients.

I was nodding along as I was listening to this (if you want me to set the scene further, it was the afternoon, I was in the carpool line, the birds were singing and the weather was fine). It just feels so good when you hear about other people’s aha moments, ya know?

I started to think, maybe I should get rid of my DMs, too. Maybe I should stop offering online support between coaching sessions so I could live a more peaceful, undisturbed life like Dani…

But no!

My very own aha moment

A more peaceful, undisturbed life is Dani’s goal, not mine.

Of course it is; she’s a 2/4 after all.

2nd line profiles in Human Design are all about thriving in solitude. The Hermit. Other people see your talent and will call on you to come out and share it, but ultimately you just want to be left alone to be in the experience of doing what you do best.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have introverted tendencies and am definitely nourished by spending time alone, but that’s not my driving desire.

Peace and balance are not even my driving desire. They are more a means to an end.

I’m a 5/1 profile.

The 5th line is transpersonal. The Heretic. It’s all about having an impact on others – strangers, in particular – shaking them up a little and getting them to think about things differently.

I love connecting with others. Not through shallow, empty words but through interactions that mean something.

And as long as I get enough alone time in my life in general, I don’t get drained from these interactions, but quite the opposite – they light me up.

So where Dani is masterfully shaping her business to be in alignment with her 2nd line, I need to do the same for my 5th line.

And for me, that means creating a space that allows for random – but meaningful – interactions with strangers.

And it means designing an experience where clients can feel supported and connected outside of the appointed session time.

It’s living in alignment – your own and not anyone else’s.